Instead of telling them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do.
Praise them whenever they do something well. Example “I like how you ____ when you ____.” Be specific.
Help your kids to learn how to express what he feels. Say: “You seem frustrated.” “How are you feeling?” “Are you up set?” “You look like you are angry about that.” “It’s O.K. to feel that way.”
Try to see the situation the same way your kids do and listen to them carefully.
In order to redirect them when they are upset, use a soft, confident tone of voice
Listen carefully to them: Use good eye contact. Physically get down to the level of smaller children. Don’t interrupt.
Ask open ended questions rather than questions that can be answered with a yes or no. Repeat back to them what you heard.
Make sure they understand directions. Have them repeat them back.
When possible give them choices of when and how to comply with a request.
Look for gradual changes in behavior. Don’t expect too much. Praise behavior that is coming closer to the desired goal.
Develop a nonverbal sign (gesture) that your children will accept as a signal that they are being inappropriate and need to change their behavior. This helps them to respond to your prompt without getting upset.